malta blue
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 10:35 AM |
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R-T friends,
I could really use some good thoughts headed my way.
My husband returned from an 8 day business trip and told me he wanted a divorce - no counseling - nothing will fix our relationship.
Like all marriages, we have our ups and downs, but I was completely blindsided and sucker-punched by this.
So if you can spare any healing thoughts, my soul could use them right about now. |
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~rachel
"Never separate the life you live from the words you
speak" ~ Paul Wellstone. |
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SuzieRedhead
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 09/16/2008 10:40 AM |
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OH Rachel!! HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS!!  Please call me if you need to.... I am so very sorry! |
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Sue Carello, Scotia, NY (near Albany)
Ratbone Rescues Fostermom, etc...
www.ratbonerescues.com
Fostermom to Oh Mickey, Prince and Spring Ratbone
Who do YOU GoodSearch/GoodShop for? Go to www.goodsearch.com and type in Ratbone Rescues! |
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treble02
Alpha Feist
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| 09/16/2008 10:42 AM |
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| oh my gosh....i dont even know what to say...I am so sorry (((HUGS))) |
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~ Mary, Trixi and Toa's Mommy,
Ratbone Rescues Database Manager
and Applications Coordinator
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malta blue
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 10:44 AM |
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Sue - can you pm me your number - I think I lost it.
I am at a total loss for words right now. I am really taken by surprise and his feeling is that it is irreparable *shrug*
thank you for your friendship - how is mickey doing? |
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~rachel
"Never separate the life you live from the words you
speak" ~ Paul Wellstone. |
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malta blue
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 10:45 AM |
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thanks Mary (hugs)
I will get through this, just as I have survived other challenges in life. I just didn't see it coming like this. |
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~rachel
"Never separate the life you live from the words you
speak" ~ Paul Wellstone. |
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treble02
Alpha Feist
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| 09/16/2008 10:49 AM |
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this happened to my mom 6 years ago. the divorce still isnt finalized although it will be soon....and she still has some raw emotion...its devastating to see her going through this. I cant imagine the hurt and confusion....  |
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~ Mary, Trixi and Toa's Mommy,
Ratbone Rescues Database Manager
and Applications Coordinator
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SuzieRedhead
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 09/16/2008 10:49 AM |
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Posted By malta blue on 09/16/2008 10:44 AM
Sue - can you pm me your number - I think I lost it.
I am at a total loss for words right now. I am really taken by surprise and his feeling is that it is irreparable *shrug*
thank you for your friendship - how is mickey doing?
You are more than welcome, my friend! I will PM you my number...
Mickey's scheduled for surgery on Thursday. The new antibiotics have reduced the swelling considerably, but there's still a hard lump on his lower right jaw... but he's acting fine and goofy as ever! I'm just curious to know once and for all WHAT is causing this! |
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Sue Carello, Scotia, NY (near Albany)
Ratbone Rescues Fostermom, etc...
www.ratbonerescues.com
Fostermom to Oh Mickey, Prince and Spring Ratbone
Who do YOU GoodSearch/GoodShop for? Go to www.goodsearch.com and type in Ratbone Rescues! |
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DaisysMom
Moderator
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| 09/16/2008 10:52 AM |
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| Goodness. I'm so sorry. (((HUGS))) and take care. |
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Tracey - Darlin' Daisy's Mom
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danbenau
Bratty Ratty
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| 09/16/2008 10:56 AM |
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| Good grief. I'm sorry to read this. I hope things even out OK. A friend of mine had that happen to her a number of years ago. Her husband was freelancing and commuting between Maryland and Philly. Suddenly one day he just says "I wanna divorce." She came through it OK, but it took a while for her to heal. |
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His name is Hendryx! He's a rat terrier! OK! |
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Dinks Mom
Terrier Terror
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| 09/16/2008 10:57 AM |
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So sorry to hear that. Maybe hubby is just going thru something and he'll wake up and come around. Either way, I'm sending hugs and prayers. I know what a rocky marriage feels like. |
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~Susy~
http://www.myspace.com/pbrluvr |
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PamWh
Rattitude Problem
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| 09/16/2008 10:59 AM |
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| I'm so sorry about the news and about how you were blindsided by it. Even if he won't go to counseling, maybe you should to help you get through this. We're here for you. |
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PamWh
aka Bob's Mom
If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! |
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lynnygal
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 09/16/2008 11:25 AM |
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Wow, I cannot imagine the shock and hurt.....very very sorry to hear that this has happened. Take care and know that your firends here at RT are here.....
Lynn |
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--------------------- lynnygal --------------------------------- |
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rattytatty
Training Moderator
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| 09/16/2008 11:34 AM |
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| I'm so sorry to read this, Rachel. I have a very dear friend who is 59 years old... been married 30 years. Her husband came home and did that same thing to her. Turned out... unknown to her at the time... he had been having an affair for three years prior. She was devastated. I went through that time with her... and now she has surfaced a much happier and much more content person. She's actually dating. Not saying that's the case in your situation because of course, I cannot know. Just saying try to remain positive... there may be some things that simply haven't surfaced yet... and may surface later. *hugs* |
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~Nora~
Mom to Hoss, Lil'Bit, Buster & Bailey, CGC, OA, OAJ |
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malta blue
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 11:44 AM |
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| thank you so much RTers. Your kind words of support are most helpful at this time. |
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~rachel
"Never separate the life you live from the words you
speak" ~ Paul Wellstone. |
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Brandy
Firehouse Big Dog
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| 09/16/2008 6:26 PM |
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| I am so sorry Rachel! You have all the positive thoughts and prayers I can send!!! |
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PROUD Home Visit Coordinator for Ratbone's Rescue!!
This is Pirate Country, we bleed Purple and Gold!!!!!
GO ECU!!! |
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Yukon Cornelius
Terrier Terror
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| 09/16/2008 7:13 PM |
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Rachel,
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. You have my prayers at this time. Please find a counselor or support group to help you deal with all of this. If he won't go with you, do it for yourself. You need to watch out for and protect yourself emotionally and spiritually.
Please take care of yourself.
Jan (Yukon) |
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We'll have to outwit the fiend with our superior intelligence.
http://lordmarley08.googlepages.com/home
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susannasmommy
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 8:16 PM |
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Oh no! You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Jason and I went to marriage counseling. It worked wonders. Hopefully he'll come around to that idea.
Hugs,
Tab |
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Tabitha
www.myspace.com/susannasmommy |
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singingpilgrim
Ratastic
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| 09/16/2008 10:38 PM |
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Wow. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine, to just be wham bammed with that.
(((HUG))) |
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Pamela
~Sophia Abigail's Mom~
Ratbones Rescue Volunteer |
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tauney4
Pack Leader
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| 09/16/2008 10:44 PM |
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| ohh my gosh i am so sorry |
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ivy
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 09/16/2008 10:53 PM |
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| I am so sorry. I went to a support group called Divorce Care through my church and it really helped me. Mostly just getting together with people in the same situation you are in and learning how to move on and take care of yourself first. If you google it there maybe one in your area. By the way I am a better stronger person now that he left! Prayers going on up for you. |
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mama2jerry
Ratastic
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| 09/17/2008 12:56 AM |
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| I'm sorry. (((hugs))) |
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Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
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rattytatty
Training Moderator
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| 09/17/2008 8:21 AM |
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| Rachel -- check in when you can... just let us know you are ok. |
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~Nora~
Mom to Hoss, Lil'Bit, Buster & Bailey, CGC, OA, OAJ |
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swatson6
Attention Starved
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| 09/17/2008 8:32 AM |
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| Wow Rachel..... I am so sorry. And to be hit when you least expect it. I wish I could make things better. Hope you are doing okay, please ket us know. |
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Sarah
Mom to Jack, Jeter and foster mom to Teagan
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buttonbutt
Newbie
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| 09/17/2008 8:53 AM |
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| I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can only imagine what you are feeling. |
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malta blue
Ratastic
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| 09/17/2008 11:37 AM |
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Just checking in everyone. Thank you soooo much for all your kind words and encouragement.
I made it through the night last night - no thanks to him. He actually thought he could blindside me and ask me for a divorce and still sleep in our bed, have dinner together, etc.
The first night he slept in my daughter's room because she came to my bed to "fall asleep" and ended up staying. Last night he asked me if she could sleep with me again. I said no.
This morning I told him I was going to tell her tonight and that he needed to no longer be in our home. She is not his daughter, so thankfully, there are no "daddy" issues, but she will still be shocked and confused (she is 9). He seemed "put out" by the idea of having to find somewhere else to stay, but I mean, really, did he think he could just sleep in our bed and continue like nothing was different, except for the fact that he does not want to be married to me anymore?
My laptop is out of commission for a couple of days - my daughter's dad was kind enough to take it and try to figure out what the heck the problem is (he's an IT guy). I told him about the husband, and he is completely behind me 100% - hard to imagine since I asked HIM for a divorce 7 years ago. I guess he may feel that karma has come back to bite me on the butt and I need some support.
much love to all of you
rachel
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~rachel
"Never separate the life you live from the words you
speak" ~ Paul Wellstone. |
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treble02
Alpha Feist
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| 09/17/2008 11:42 AM |
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| good for you for being strong...it must be tough. So sorry you have to try to explain this to your 9 year old...that will also be tough...nice though to have her fathers support. (((HUGS))) hang in there! |
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~ Mary, Trixi and Toa's Mommy,
Ratbone Rescues Database Manager
and Applications Coordinator
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PamWh
Rattitude Problem
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| 09/17/2008 11:55 AM |
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A friend of mine came home from work one day to find her husband sitting at the kitchen table and he said "We need to talk." He wanted a divorce with no counseling after 32 years of marriage. He'd spent the day packing up his stuff and moving it and some furniture into his new apartment. He took it upon himself to decide how to divide up their possessions without any input from her!
This was a few days before they were supposed to leave for a vacation in Hawaii. He was going to tell her in Hawaii, but I guess his mistress didn't like the idea of him going on vacation with his wife.
This was a couple of years ago and was the nudge to get her re-examining her life. She has gone back to finish her college degree, which she had put on hold so that she could put the ex through until he got his master's degree. |
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PamWh
aka Bob's Mom
If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! |
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susannasmommy
Ratastic
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| 09/17/2008 12:34 PM |
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OMG. I couldn't fathom demanding a divorce and then asking my spouse to sleep in the same bed with me after I'd just done it. My heart broke for you when I read that. What an insult to your intelligence.
You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers! |
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Tabitha
www.myspace.com/susannasmommy |
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