Well, today, or tonight, i just learned that my dad's biological mom passed away a week ago.   the family already had the service and the burial for her already.  and didn't bother to call their "secret" family to let us know about her passing. 

going back 5 years......

I found my dad's biological mom 5 years and 4 months ago....  it was March 28th of 2003, when i found her.  This sweet lady gave my dad up for an adoption over 50 years ago, and no one knows about it except for her husband and her parents and one of her best friends....  and then her two sons just learned about my dad 5 years ago. 

So, When my mom dialed her number, introduced herself and asked her named and asked if she has given up a child, and she first answered no, and then stopped and asked my mom, is he there.....  then my mom replied, "yes, he's right here, you want to talk to him?", she replied "yes".  They talked for 2 and a half hours.....   and met each other a month later.  just a simple reunion, her, her husband, my dad and my mom.  they went out to eat and enjoyed each other's company for a day. 

My family and i think at some point that her husband, wished we had never called....  but I am glad that we did....  because it answered some of our questions.  but i wished he would have at least let us acknowledged of her passing...   I know that nobody knows about us,  and that's okay.... we are okay with that and we don't want any materials or anything from them....  we developed a friendship too....   but i think at some point, i don't know....   but anways, i e-mailed the husband... and told him that i just learned about her, and said that I am so sorry and that I'll be thinking and praying for him and the family.  and keep in touch when he can.... 

So i am not going to hold it against him...   life is too short and I don't think she would want that anyways.... and I know that the majority of the people in her life doesn't know about her past....  So i respect that....  it just would've been nice if we would have gotten a phone call....   during that time. 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent...... 

we would've been fine with that....   i sent the husband an e-mail, a real nice short and simple e-mail stating, i'm sorry for your loss, and am thinking and praying for you, and keep in touch when you can.  

so he replied back with her obit.  and stated that my dad talked to his mom and the last time they talked all my dad did talk about himself, and she didn't get the opportunity to tell him about herself...  and stated that she was hurt....   but i get the feeling that he doesn't like my dad too well.  But part of me feels that i need to defend my dad.... yeah, i know he's not perfect. and he's been sober over 300 days and is trying to hard to deal with that along with the pain of his arthritis (sp) in his neck and is going for his 3rd or 4th surgery on his neck,.  and i guess from my mom's point of view that my g-ma seemed so interested in what he had to say and is such a good listener, but didn't tell my dad about her situation and the fact she was dying....   They talked on mother's day, and i feel if either one wanted to tell my dad the news, they could have and had several chances, but didn't....  

So i thought about saying something like i don't know....   that the fact my dad is only human and everything happened for a reason, and maybe there's a reason why she didn't tell my dad about her situation.  but we are very thankful that they got to meet and she knows my dad and his children and grandchildren, and we got to know her.  we didn't want anything more than that.   Idon't kow.... my mind will come to it, and i plan to keep it as neutral and simple as possible.....   he has done that before putting my dad down... but i feel that i need to stick up for him....  of course in a very nice way.