I've mentioned in other posts about Lance's Mom having Alzheimers and our trying to get her into a nursing home recently. Well, we took my MIL to the nursing home yesterday. When we told her where we were going, she showed little emotion. We expected crying or great resistance but got neither. Didn't seem upset as she and I waited in the living room while Lance did all the paperwork (took 45 minutes). Once we took her down to her room all she wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep, so we came on back home. Told her we'd be back to have dinner with her and bring her clothes and things then. At dinner, we discovered the food there is quite good! A friend of Lance's is a nutritionist that works with many Temple/Waco area nursing homes and had told Lance the place she is has the best food in the area. The cook has been with them for 30 years and seasons food nicely. We sat out in the smoking courtyard, let her enjoy her cigarette, enjoyed all their flowers and then came home. Neither of us saw indications of anger or hostility at being there. She just seemed pleased we joined her for dinner. That afforded a modicum of relief. Lance is still feeling guilt over having to put her in a home.....but I keep telling him it was inevitable one day, given her disease......His brother her former caregiver just expedited it a bit (long story).

We both felt as though a ton of bricks had been lifted off of us when we came home last night. Even after a good night's sleep last night, we both feel like a Mack truck ran us over today or like we had a bad hangover. I think it will take several days to recovery from a full month of stress & little sleep.  I've been averaging 3 hours sleep a night heretofore.

I told Lance he was unnecessarily worrying about her being resistant or perhaps even being combative the day we took her over. NOW I think he fully understands how far gone her mind really is. He thought the fact that she was asking everyday "Lance, are you gonna take me home today?" was an indication of her lucidity and cognitive processes. When in fact that repetitive question is merely an example of the well-documented tendency of Alzheimer's patients to zero in on one question and repeat it over and over again. I told him she will be asking this question every day for the rest of her life and he shouldn't let it upset him. She doesn't understand/remember the fact we keep telling her daily her home is going to be repossessed by the bank or tax assessor in Dallas. I told him when "the question" comes up, to just tell her "No, not tomorrow, Mom." That's what he has started saying and she doesn't pursue it any further with a "Why not?" or "When then?". Those details are too much for her to handle all at one time, poor thing.

They say it is truly the most difficult thing one has to do in life aside from dealing with the death of a loved one, and I can say from this experience that we both agree with that assessment. So glad the initial phase is over. Now we'll settle into our routine. The home is just a few blocks from our house and we can stop in for quick visits as easily as running to our nearest grocery store! That's what will make her remaining days as pleasant as possible. Seeing family often means more to old folks than Nancy's "gotta have" cigarettes! LOL

So I should be able to visit RT.com a lot more frequently now that things will be getting back to some ressemblance of normalcy around here. 

I am glad to see  you back, I have missed my girls.

I feel for you and I've been through this process as well, only it was for my older brother (54) who has dementia.   I'm not terribly pleased with his nursing home but he has family in the area and we all make it a point to go see him at least once a week, on different days.  Even if he is just angry and runs us off, we make sure the staff sees we are there to see him, and if something is not right, we politely address it with them and stay until we see it is corrected.  I think having a good report with the care givers at the facility is very important.

You are over the biggest hurdle and as you pointed out, you'll be getting into the new routine.  That's an accomplishment.

This is a difficult, but necessary, thing to do.  We had to but my MIL in a nursing home when my BIL could no longer care for her due to his nervous breakdown.  For awhile he was in a nursing home as well.  After an adjustment period things get better for all involved.  As others have stated it is important to make your presence known and let the staff know you are proactive in your loved one's care and will be on top of things.

Good luck.

Thank you all.  Your kind responses have made me all emotional, but then that's what I've come to expect from the wonderful members of this forum.  You guys are so much fun when things are going good for fellow members,  yet so supportive when members are having a tough time.  Extended family (albeit somewhat scaattered ), I think they call it.  Anyhow, it's good to be getting things back to normal and good to be able to visit RT.com daily once again.   I know Nancy is in a really good nursing facility and that gives us both much peace of mind.  Lance popped over (unannounced) awhile ago and called from the cell phone to say they had her in physical therapy! And she told him it "felt good"!  I suspect she'll grow to like all the special attention she will be getting there.  All the aides just seem so nice and kid around with resisdents a lot.  We've see nothing but positive staff/resident interactions up and down the hallways.  They have a cute little sign posted in hallways that says:

       REMEMBER, THE NEXT INSPECTOR IS FAMILY.

From what I can see, all staff takes this philosophy to heart.   

We're going to treat ourselves to a steak dinner out tomorrow night wile we're down in Austin looking for a stand or piece of furniture to set our new 47" HDTV on.   Lance has been wanting one and I made him go buy one this month to relieve some of the stress he has been feeling of late.  What can I say.  Like everybody else, buying "things" often cheers us up, doesn't it?