Okay so where do I start? Ummm....okay so I left my 1st husband 9 yrs ago when my daughter was 1 yr old. We went through the divorce/custody hearing w/o lawyers. BIG mistake. I got SO screwed. At the time I was only working part time making about $12,000 annually. He was working full time making $50,000 annually. He agreed to take on all marital debt so I agreed to a lower child support amount. Can you see the IDIOT stamp on my forehead? Days later he filed for bankruptcy and didn't tell me. I found out when a sherriffs deputy showed up on my doorstep with papers drom the creditors coming after me for payment.  So I had to file for bankruptcy. I don't know about other states but in Maine the parent that recieves support can file every 3 years for an increase. In 9 yrs I have never filed. Didn't seem worth the grief I knew he would put me through. Well 2 months ago we got into a HUGE fight, part of it over money, part of it over the fact that he doesn't support his daughter in her love of cheering. Because it's not soccer or hockey or anything else that may interest him. He has NEVER set foot in her school. That's right NEVER! In her 4 yrs of cheering, her coaches have NEVER seen him. She goes to his house EVERY weekend but rarely sees him. He is either working or snowmobiling, mountain biking, dirt biking, etc. So anyway, after this fight I contacted DHHS to file papers for an increase as well as having it come directly through DHHS instead of hoping that he remembers to bring the checkbook. He was notified of this today from DHHS. The s**t has hit the fan. He says he is going to get a lawyer.Why? I ask. To get custody he says because there is no way that he is going to pay me a penny more than he already does. So why would a court take a child away from a stay at home Mother for no reason and place her with her father? He says his wife(bi**h) will quit her job and stay home. Huh? Still doesn't make sense! No judge would agree to this I know but I am still so stressed. UGH!!!!! Well if you read all this I must say Thanks but you must be really bored. Any thoughts? From anyone?

HHmm. . . .Sounds like your ex is laboring under the false assumption that raising a child is not expensive.  He probably figures that it would cost less to have full custody.  Once he has custody he prpbably figures you would pay him child support!  Some men are so clueless.  It boggles the mind how some of them make it to adulthood.  Not having been through anything like your situation my only advice is to get yourself a shrewd lawyer to protect yourself and your daughter.   

Feel free to vent.  Happy to listen. 

Okay that made me laugh so thank you!

The problem with that is I can't afford one and he knows that. I am hoping that when/if he calss a lawyer he will be laughed off the phone. He has NO cause to take her away.

wow! AMY! its so sad for your daughter....that is what they (men)don't get! he will NEVER undo the damage,he has already done to her! All kids want is to be love'd and supported (not money)He will figure it out when she is grown and its too late!saaaadddd!

I Know Linda. I have tried explaining that to him. I am the one at parent teacher conferences watching her looking up and down the hall saying, " How come Daddy never comes?". The one who holds her while she cries after her cheering comps because Daddy didn't come to watch. The one who rocks her(at 10 yrs old) on Sunday nights while she cries because she didn't get time with Daddy this weekend.

Amy - use your god given brains and represent yourself!

You are entitled to whatever Maine deems is the appropriate amount for child support - and by the way, no judge will hold it against you for requesting that. Petition the court for what you are entitled to. AND - no judge will take your daughter away unless your ex has concrete proof that you abuse her, etc.

I am not aware of the full details of Maine law, but Google is your friend - go for it.

What is the worst that can happen? You are more informed?

My ex and I separated when my daughter was 2 and she is almost 9 now. I feel your pain and I am here to help you in any way I can.

*hug*

AMY - I found this website to calculate what you are due BY LAW:

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/maine/

http://www.child-support-collections.com/support-laws/maine-child-support-law.html

ok brandy...no fair your STILL in N.c. its not on the way anymore.....I already got the the WEST coast!

  Sorry....Maybe you need to come back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

well..I did leave my youngest daughter and best friend and( Niece- Ratty - Lacey)too so maybe .....you never know!

Stay strong sister!!!  In the end your ex will have to live w/the fact that he was not a father to his daughter.  It may not be today or tomorrow, or 10 years from now, but I am a firm believer in "what goes around comes around", karma, what ever you want to call it.  No amount of money or lawyers can take away the fact that YOU did right by your daughter.  Love to see he & his wife shuttle your daughter around to practices, games, etc...that would get old real quick  i am most sorry for your daughter, who has a poor example of what being a man and a father means.  It took real courage to leave w/a one year old, and to have been through what you have...channel that strength, and fight any way you can...my thoughts are with you during this trying time.

Julie

Any smart lawyer will tell him that he has no case and will only try to help him negociate child support if he insists on hiring him.  A dumbass lawyer will take his money and try to have a long drawn out legal battle which in that case you still shouldn't worry, you're not going to lose your daughter but make sure you have everything documented and have people that will testify on your behalf. 

HANG IN THERE! 

Oooo boy. You all have moved me to tears. THANK YOU so much for your words of encouragement. When I started this thread I really just intended to get it off my chest to feel better. I honestly didn't think anyone would take the time to read it since it was so long. You guys are so amazing. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to have you all "in" my life. Okay, now for an update. He marched his behind into DHHS this morning I am assuming to set them straight. Hahaha. Didn't go as he planned. He called me afterwards begging me to stop all the proceedings and he will give me $20 more per week and pay half of her activities. He was almost in tears. I told him sorry but NO.  He's scared now. They just sold their house to buy a bigger one and he says now they'll have no where to live. Again, sorry, but not my fault or problem. He says he feels as though he is being punished and labeled a dead beat Dad. Does the shoe fit? I only said that in my head. I am still worried that he may hire a lawyer but I feel confident after reading your thoughts that he doesn't stand a chance in He**. It's just that it will be very painful for Kailey. To respond to some of your comments......Yup, I know they bad mouth me in front of her. If he did some how get custody, cheering would be over for her since he thinks it's silly. I have had teachers, doctors, coaches and friends/family tell me that is this ever got to court, CALL them. They would LOVE to come speak their mind. Oh yeah...MaltaBlue I'm using that "God given brain" now. It just took me 9 yrs to do it. As far as the calculators, I don't know what he makes and it's not likely he'll tell me. BUT, he did let it slip in our phone call this morning that he has some sort of license now that he trained for. Bet he didn't mean to say that. Anyway, thank you so much guys. You're the best.

Whatever you do ~ DO NOT break down and negociate with him (I'm glad you didn't already....$20 puleeze!!!)  Let DHHS do it for you now, you may be surprised and get more than you expected....you and your daughter certainly deserve it.

Amy, don't worry about it to much. My father got custody of me only because my mom choose to bail, sad thing is even in court, from what I hear, the judge was still asking if she was sure she didn't want custody. So even when a mom wants out a court will still try to keep her with the child. I am glad it worked out the way it did. I think I would have been really messed up if she raised me LOL. I am glad I was  with my dad, I wouldnt' change it for the world but he was also very much part of my life, unlike what your daughter is going through. Remind her sometimes it is better when a parent has no interaction, as much as it may hurt  her now, one day she may be thankful for it. The bond you two will  have will be so strong because of this. Good luck!!