|
|
Ratty Messages
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
Recent Photos/Videos
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Recent 'Just Chat'
|
|
|
|
|
If you need help, or have questions, comments or suggestions, please post in the Rat-Terrier.com Info and Help forum.
General Moderators:
Lance
Morgan
Tracey
Training Moderator:
Nora
|
|
You're Not Alone
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rat-Terrier.com
|
|
|
| Author |
Messages |
|
lovemytinktink
Ratterific
 |
| 04/18/2008 9:24 PM |
|
Okay, for those who don't know...I'm 21 and just moved back in with my mom and stepdad. Life is crazy around here. I am in college full time while also working full time. So anyways I am gone a lot. My mom is constantly fussing about Tink (she doesn't like inside dogs) how shes shedding and how this and that and blah blah blah. Then she tells me that I have to come straight home from work every day and can't go anywhere because I have a dog..she makes me feel so unwelcome. Me and Tinkerbell come as a package. She fussed at me today because I didn't come home and Tinkerbell was in the kennel. I love my dog but when I am here all we do is fuss (me and mom) so no...I don't want to come home to that, especially when she doesn't want me to leave once I get here. I don't want to come home to my mom yelling saying get that B* out of the kitchen or that B* did such and such (by the way she is reffering to the dog)...I guess I am just upset and don't know what to do or who to vent to...I don't want to give Tinkerbell up. I love her...but my mom just doesn't want her here and that means to me that she doesn't want me either...I'm so confused... |
|
Krystle
|
|
|
rattytatty
Training Moderator
|
| 04/18/2008 9:28 PM |
|
| Sounds like it's time to put some things on the table... in a calm, matter-of-fact way... and come to some compromise. I'm assuming you moved back home for a reason. I don't blame you for not wanting to get rid of your furkid... and yes... you are a package deal. But something is not working and it's maybe past time to just say to your mom... "Hey... can we talk?" Tell her how you are feeling and she'll probably tell you how she's feeling... but unless you do this the situation may never get better. |
|
~Nora~
Mom to Hoss, Lil'Bit, Buster & Bailey, CGC, OA, OAJ |
|
|
gwacie
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
|
| 04/18/2008 9:31 PM |
|
I'm sorry you are having a rough time. Can you find some roommates and move out? Tink is your responsibility, your mom doesn't want her there, but just because you are unhappy with your mom doesn't give you the right not to go home and take care of your dog. In fact, not going home (and making your mom deal with the dog) will just make her resent the dog further. But you are a smart woman, you know this.
|
|
gwacie (Bethany)
My Doggies: http://www.myadams.net/dogs/
Rescue: http://www.newrattitude.org |
|
|
gwacie
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
|
| 04/18/2008 9:31 PM |
|
| posted at the same time as Nora - who of course has good suggestions! |
|
gwacie (Bethany)
My Doggies: http://www.myadams.net/dogs/
Rescue: http://www.newrattitude.org |
|
|
lovemytinktink
Ratterific
|
| 04/18/2008 9:41 PM |
|
well see, I moved home because I can't afford rent anywhere...I'm only a waitress afterall and I have a car and insurance plus my tuition to pay for...I'm doing durn good for myself otherwise. I got Tink when I was on my own because I needed someone to love me and someone to love. We had a discussion today we tried to talk it out but we got nowhere. All she did was demand the same things that shes been saying for weeks. Don't bring the dog in my kitchen and come home to let the dog out before you do anything else. Might I say home is 20 minutes away from everything. So, If I have to go to wal-mart I should drive 20 minutes to let the dog pee and then 20 mins back to go shopping...shes not even listening to anything that I say. She doesn't care that I feel unwelcome in her home because she fusses that I have a dog in HER house. she has made it blatantly obvious that she doesn't want her period. I don't expect her to help me in taking care of her..that is my responsibility. I guess I'm just venting. My problems seem somewhat childish but then thats how I feel that she is treating me. She is telling me where and when I can or can't go and I am grown. I guess I was just accustomed to being on my own... |
|
Krystle
|
|
|
gwacie
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
|
| 04/18/2008 9:46 PM |
|
Your last lines says it all - you are used to being grown but you have moved back home. Are you paying rent? If not, you are really just 'a kid' living with her parents. It's not really surprising that your mom is treating you like a kid because to her you still are one.
So let me ask you this, if you go to Walmart first, does Tink stay locked up the whole time or do you expect someone to let her potty? Who would do this if you lived alone?
Also, if mom doesn't want the dog in the kitchen, why are you bringing the dog in the kitchen? Seems like a relatively simple thing to honor but maybe there's a reason she needs to be in there?
I moved out when I was young (17). At 27 I wound up back at my parents for a short time. Yes, I lived on my own and supported my own self for 10 years but living back at home was like instantly being a teen again as far as how my mom treated me. It was frustrating for both of us. Moving out as soon as I could was the best thing for our relationship and my sanity. |
|
gwacie (Bethany)
My Doggies: http://www.myadams.net/dogs/
Rescue: http://www.newrattitude.org |
|
|
lovemytinktink
Ratterific
|
| 04/18/2008 9:59 PM |
|
she did make me pay some bills but my car was unreliable so I had to get a new one last saturday--well a used one...now she says that as long as I pay that I'm okay (she had to co-sign so her name is on it)She doesn't pay for anything for me. I buy my own groceries and all that stuff...I just sleep and shower here. When I was on my own, I lived 5 minutes from wal-mart and everything else...school work...so I could easily go home for a while and play and potty and stuff...I would go home in between all my classes but now it is too far to drive and she stays locked up because no one is home. Everyone works here so no one is here during the day. My stepdad was bringing her into the kitchen and so she was actually fussing at him like a child today too...I don't have a problem with the dog not being in the kitchen...totally not a problem..she already told me that days ago she just felt the need to tell me 10 more times today. I GOT IT I GET IT YOU AINT GOTTA TELL ME A MILLION TIMES. I'm just frustrated. I didn't want to come home. I had no choice. |
|
Krystle
|
|
|
rattytatty
Training Moderator
|
| 04/18/2008 11:47 PM |
|
Situations such as yours are not easy... but one thing is for sure... unless there is some compromise the situation will not improve.
I work all day. I live 20 minutes away from ANYthing. I have an almost 1 hour drive into work each morning (leave around 6:00 a.m.) and am usually at work by 7:00 a.m. My mom is in a nursing home so two nights a week I stop to visit with her and don't come straight home. Bailey is crated during the day. I'm married and hubby and I share the responsibilities for the dogs. But ONE of us makes it a point to be home by 4:00 or so to let the dogs out and feed them. We work around this responsibility and schedule things around it. Oftentimes, we find we have to come home first and take care of the dogs and then return to town (20-25 minutes back into town) for shopping, etc. It's simply a responsibility we have and live up to. It's not fair for us to ask the dogs to be crated more than 10 hours a day. If it means we have to come home and then return to town... we do it.
So if your mother is asking you to come straight home to take care of your dog... I think that's a fair request. If ... after you come home and take care of your dog you need to go shopping... then go back to town and do it.... or work it in some other time.
It would be nice if your mom would do it for you... but doesn't sound like she wants to or is willing to... so bottomline is that it's your responsibility... and it's simply what we buy into when we have a pet.
If you truly do only "shower and sleep" there as you said... it doesn't sound like you are spending enough time with your furkid. Your dog needs more of you than that.
Sounds like you are there because you have no choice... so because it's their house, most of the compromising, unfortunately, is going to have to be done by you.
|
|
~Nora~
Mom to Hoss, Lil'Bit, Buster & Bailey, CGC, OA, OAJ |
|
|
lynnygal
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
|
| 04/19/2008 1:59 AM |
|
LoveMyTink, so sorry to hear you are struggling being at home. Moving home is especially difficult once you have already been gone and then return for whatever the reason. I think you have gotten some sage advice is previous posts....but I would encourage you to find some gals and get together and get an apartment or a house to rent or something..... Your Mom is not going to change.....it is her house and you've basically stepped back under her roof....so my advice is do whatever you can to make the situation as pallatable while you are still there and work real hard on getting out of there. Animals are a responsibility and unfortunately for Tink....she's been uprooted as well and I am sure she wonders why if someone is home why she needs to still be in the crate... Sorry Hon.....there's nothing easy about growing up and becoming responsible for yourself.....and Tink. Good luck to you....hope you can get it worked out and move out on your own soon......
Lynn |
|
--------------------- lynnygal --------------------------------- |
|
|
|
| You are not authorized to post a reply. |
|
|
|
ActiveForums 3.7
|
|
|
|