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Subject: The real story of why it takes women so long in the restroom!

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mario07

Bratty Ratty

04/17/2007 1:38 PM
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line poin ts out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this." As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

~~Shannon, Mario and Pepper's mom!~~

Apollo's Mommy

Feisty

04/17/2007 1:42 PM


"You can't fix stupid." - Ron White ~ Jolene ~ Mommy to Apollo, Emma, & Indie

JenMax

Firehouse Big Dog

04/17/2007 1:42 PM


Jenny - Max's sister

Pamiknows

Rat-A-Tat-Tat

04/17/2007 1:52 PM
This is so not funny. Its a regular occurence with me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pamiknows/ Somedays it's just not worth chewing thru the restraints.

mario07

Bratty Ratty

04/17/2007 1:53 PM


~~Shannon, Mario and Pepper's mom!~~

JenMax

Firehouse Big Dog

04/17/2007 1:53 PM
Sorry for laughing Pami.

Jenny - Max's sister

Lucy's Colleen

Bratty Ratty

04/17/2007 1:59 PM
Yep, that about explains it.

Colleen Flickr account: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7797281@N05/

erniebenernie

Bratty Ratty

04/17/2007 2:01 PM
The purse on the floor....Sooo True!

Vicki

DaisysMom

Moderator
<b>Moderator</b>

04/17/2007 2:43 PM
It would be extremely hilarious if it weren't so true

Tracey - Darlin' Daisy's Mom

winnihoohoo

Bratty Ratty

04/17/2007 2:50 PM
I have used a paper toilet seat cover for toliet paper before because there was no toilet paper...

PamWh

Rattitude Problem

04/17/2007 2:54 PM
Maybe that scenario explains what happened to the panties of those celebrity women who are photographed going commando while getting out of a limo. They had to use their panties as toilet paper and then threw them away.

PamWh aka Bob's Mom If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Sassy'sMama

Firehouse Big Dog

04/17/2007 2:55 PM
Priceless!!!

~~Jan~~ Mama to Sassy www.marykay.com/janetkimberlin (free shipping)

bratt

Firehouse Big Dog

04/17/2007 8:37 PM
Posted By PamWh on 04/17/2007 2:54 PM Maybe that scenario explains what happened to the panties of those celebrity women who are photographed going commando while getting out of a limo. They had to use their panties as toilet paper and then threw them away.

Debra~KSSM Queen II Savanna~Princess Easy Street

swatson6

Attention Starved

04/18/2007 8:31 AM
LOLOLOL! That is so true!!!!

Sarah Mom to Jack, Jeter and foster mom to Teagan

PamWh

Rattitude Problem

04/18/2007 1:03 PM
It's even worse when you have to take your small son into the ladies room to potty.

PamWh aka Bob's Mom If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

tiggarat

Bratty Ratty

04/20/2007 6:50 PM
Too funny!! Unforunately men will never believe that this really happens to us!!

Lisabeth furbabies: Lucy and Molly (1 1/2 yr old decker ratties), and Rosie (3 yr old dobie) Buddy - gone but never forgotten. "I don't think he has any idea he's a dog, really. Of course, he thinks he has a rather odd figure for a man" - Dodie Smith

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