Pun: ( pun ) noun a humorous play on words that invites more than one interpretation
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm, and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy
says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I
don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true! No bull!" exclaims
Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull
before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,
but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor
replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a
mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to
the other and says, "Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked
them
to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer."
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other
goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of
the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet
. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ....
A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of
the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. |