> This is a VERY long read but too funny to pass up.
> Have a good laugh when you have some time.
>
> We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in
> the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of
> you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a
> 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing
> your best to e a good parent.
>
> Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will
> only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face
> as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
>
> Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should
> tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit
> including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new
> door cost over $200. But I digress.
>
> Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost
> of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it
> got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a
> lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
>
> I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast
> dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
> I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven
> hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house
> that worked, thus the assignment.
>
> I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat
> Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the
> odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put
> the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5
> hours.
>
> After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning
> in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven.
> It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans,
> much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to
> Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled
> over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough
> boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he
> walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
>
> I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of
> uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I
> needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
>
> God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any
> more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the
> time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink He was so bloated
> we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
>
> We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog
> out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his
> first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time
> when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other
> half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in
> another direction. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would
> just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline
> in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running
> into the fence.
>
> His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured
> another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12
> hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and
> that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we
> humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to
> keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
>
> Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded
> him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
> Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a
> ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive).

> Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog
> leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and
> I, we took off.
>
> Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but
> believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast
> rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would
> have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station.
> But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the
> entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
>
> Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the
> door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of
> the day.

> The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made
> trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a
> tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into
> something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must
> come out' and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that
> had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but  alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I
> discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's
> house.
>
> Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded
> him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
> This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water
> from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor
> withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning
> to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I
> (obviously no one else
> was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and
> knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as
> if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had
> walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor
> that had to be brushed too.
>
> Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him
> home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving
> dinner at Perry's sister's house.
>
> I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back
> to normal both in size and temperament He has had a bath and is no
> longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to
> report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden
> inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after
> eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a
> bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to
clean
> unbaked dough from
> the carpet.'
>
> And how was your day?
>