I'm puttin these on my fridge!!! 
> Subject: Pet Rules
> >Pet Rules...(This should give you a laugh)
> >
> >To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
> >
> >Dear Dogs and Cats,
> >
> >The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
> >other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
paw
> >print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for
it
> >becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing
> >in the slightest.
> >
> >The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating
> >me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because
I
> >fall faster than you can run.
> >
> >I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> >about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
> >ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when
> >they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other
> >stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking
> >tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
> >maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
> >
> >For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
by
> >some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is
> >not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your
> >paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through
> >the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years
> >-- canine or feline attendance is not required.
> >
> >The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt.
> >I cannot stress this enough!
> >
> >To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
our
> >front door:
> >
> >To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
> >
> >1. They live here. You don't.
> >2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> >furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
> >3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who
> >is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> >
> >Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
> >1. Eat less.
> >2. Don't ask for money all the time.
> >3. Are easier to train.
> >4. Normally come when called.
> >5. Never ask to drive the car.
> >6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
> >7. Don't smoke or drink.
> >8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
> >9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
> >10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.
> >
> >And finally,
> >11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
> |