If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.


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I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.


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I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.


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Never try to drown your troubles... Especially if he can swim.


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Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.


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Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.


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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.


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By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.


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Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.


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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.


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Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.


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There are three sides to every argument: your side,my side and the right side.


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An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.


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When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.


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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.


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They say hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.