mama2jerry
Ratastic
 |
| 09/14/2008 11:02 PM |
|
I'm sad to tell you all today after much deliberation and tears (and stress, insomnia, forgetting to eat and drinking too much for the past two painful months....) that I called off my wedding yesterday. I love Dan with all of my heart, but there were things fundamentally wrong with our relationship that no amount of therapy could fix. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I did not think it was physically possible to cry as much as I have. I feel like my heart has been ripped apart. He came to the house tonight to discuss what we'll be doing as far as selling the house, living arrangements, etc. He stayed for 2 hours and we just cried together and clung to each other. I have never loved someone so much, but I had to do what was best for me (and him). He has plans to move in with a friend that recently had a roommate move away. He is going to continue to pay his half of the mortgage payment until the house sells. He also plans to help me pay off the credit card debt from Jerry's surgery. We have promised each other to stay friends as hard and painful as that will be. I know that this is the best thing for both of us, but I didn't know that it would hurt this badly. |
|
Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
|
|
|
maggiew607
Terrier Terror
|
| 09/14/2008 11:11 PM |
|
| Oh Sarah, your whole situation just sounds so hard, but you sound like you made a strong decision, and I know that your heart will start to heal eventually. Hugs to you, we're all herer and we all feel for you honey stay strong, hug your babies and just let it out. So Sorry hon. |
|
**Maggie, Mom to CoCo and Angus**
|
|
|
Lucy's Mommy
Terrier Terror
|
| 09/14/2008 11:12 PM |
|
I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like a gut-wrenching decision for both of you. Take care of yourself. And, as you know, this board is a great place for strength.
Also, I don't want to seem insensitive but I have to ask: I see two puppies in your avatar. Will they be staying together or will they be separated? |
|
|
|
|
mama2jerry
Ratastic
|
| 09/14/2008 11:16 PM |
|
| They will stay together. At an angrier time, he said he would take Jerry. However, he knows as well as I do that his work hours and locations are too inconsistent for a dog of his own. Jerry needs SO much exercise and attention that he would not be able to consistently provide. It makes me so sad because I know how much he loves them both. TeaCup (chinchilla) will go with him if his now roommate approves. |
|
Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
|
|
|
Lucy's Mommy
Terrier Terror
|
| 09/14/2008 11:18 PM |
|
| Hopefully he can see them on a regular basis. I hope I didn't sound insensitive but I just had to ask. |
|
|
|
|
mama2jerry
Ratastic
|
| 09/14/2008 11:42 PM |
|
| No, not at all. It's been a big concern, but he knows he can't give them the time and attention they need. I don't know what I would do without them. Jerry is so sensitive and I swear he can tell that something is wrong. |
|
Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
|
|
|
lynnygal
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
|
| 09/15/2008 12:49 AM |
|
Sarah, gosh, sure am sorry to hear about your painful break up. Obviously, it sounds like you have given this alot of thought and if you have reservations prior to the wedding....in the long run it will probably be for the best. Hopefully the next few months will give you some time to heal and mend your heart. God bless you sweetie....
Lynn |
|
--------------------- lynnygal --------------------------------- |
|
|
treble02
Alpha Feist
|
| 09/15/2008 5:55 AM |
|
| wow....what a terribly difficult decision to have made...youre obviously such a strong woman and it wounds like youboth knew it was the best thing...even though very difficult....were here for you....((HUGS)) |
|
~ Mary, Trixi and Toa's Mommy,
PROUD Ratbone Rescues Volunteer!!!
|
|
|
tauney4
Alpha Feist
|
| 09/15/2008 7:17 AM |
|
| ih my goodness i am so sorry. i dont know what else to tell you. time will heal your heart |
|
|
|
|
PamWh
Rattitude Problem
|
| 09/15/2008 10:06 AM |
|
| I'm so sorry! It was brave of you to make the decision instead of letting wedding plans sweep you along. We'll be thinking of you both. |
|
PamWh
aka Bob's Mom
If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! |
|
|
Sassy'sMama
Feisty
|
| 09/15/2008 12:04 PM |
|
Oh Sarah, it took a lot of inner strength to make the decision you have made... But as Pam just said, better now than to have it sweep you along..
ya know hon, sometimes we as women don't think we have the strength to make it thru another day, then from somewhere the strength comes to us.
I for sure know this...
Thoughts are with you both now... |
|
~~Jan~~
Mama to Sassy
www.marykay.com/janetkimberlin
(free shipping) |
|
|
susannasmommy
Ratastic
|
| 09/15/2008 1:07 PM |
|
Posted By treble02 on 09/15/2008 5:55 AM
wow....what a terribly difficult decision to have made...youre obviously such a strong woman and it wounds like youboth knew it was the best thing...even though very difficult....were here for you....((HUGS))
I couldn't have said it better....
|
|
Tabitha
www.myspace.com/susannasmommy |
|
|
erniebenernie
Bratty Ratty
|
| 09/16/2008 7:54 AM |
|
So sorry Sarah... I'm just seeing this.
You followed your gut and made the right decision for you.
It must feel like a load off your shoulders. Hugs !
|
|
Vicki
|
|
|
rattytatty
Training Moderator
|
| 09/16/2008 12:14 PM |
|
| I'm just seeing this also. I'm sorry, Sarah. Sometimes the most painful choices we make are those that are the best for us. *hugs* |
|
~Nora~
Mom to Hoss, Lil'Bit, Buster & Bailey, CGC, OA, OAJ |
|
|
Caesar & Julia's mom
Alpha Feist
|
| 09/16/2008 1:04 PM |
|
We're all here for you~ (((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry to hear this, but sometimes you have to do what is right for you no matter how much it hurts. You are a very brave person and I wish you both the strength that you're gonna need to get through this very tough time in your lives. |
|
Diane~ loved by Caesar and Julia
"Don't count the days, make the days count..."
|
|
|
braeli_bryson
Terrier Terror
|
| 09/16/2008 3:15 PM |
|
| wow... im soooo sorry. im sure this wasnt asy for either of you... and im sure you had good reason... if its for the best... better now than later. |
|
"No one knows YOU better than YOU!"
gianni_mahopac, ny
bryson: pearl tri color | braeli: chocolate tri color.
|
|
|
singingpilgrim
Ratastic
|
| 09/16/2008 10:34 PM |
|
Wow. That is so tough. I'm sorry for your pain. It does sound though as if you made a mature decision. I'm glad you were able to work it out in a rational, adult way, instead of each making it worse for the other. Many people are aware of such difficulties prior to marriage and go through with it (and end up divorced). It is better this way...
I am so sorry though. ((HUG)) |
|
Pamela
~Sophia Abigail's Mom~
Ratbones Rescue Volunteer |
|
|
mama2jerry
Ratastic
|
| 09/17/2008 1:17 AM |
|
| Sorry I don't post often anymore. I miss you guys! My life has become chaotic. I'm still so sad. I start crying out of the blue. My best bud, Kylie, and I went to our friend's wine tasting tonight and ending up spending the night talking about this situation. I still feel right about what happened as far as the outcome. However, Dan called me tonight wanting to talk before my realtor comes tomorrow night. I love him more than I can ever possibly say, but I feel like there is no way to continue this relationshp in the capacity it once was. In a way, I feel like I've been given my life back and I can do, be, achieve whatever I want. My heart hurts so much being without him. I called my mom crying last night saying I was afraid that I didin't try hard enough and that I gave up on this. It's so difficult with him coming back and wanting to talk. Sunday, we cried and clung to each other. He told me all the things that I never heard when I was actually with him. (i.e. being such a beautiful person, having such strength and conviction, doing I believe in- no matter what anyone says, having such a caring heart and spirit, etc...) Why should it take me telling him how to treat me for him to actually do it? Why do I need to tell him how to behave as an adult in a relationship? (He is a grown man. He is 32 years old.) My heart just hurts. |
|
Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
|
|
|
PamWh
Rattitude Problem
|
| 09/17/2008 9:31 AM |
|
| Sarah, it will take time for you to grieve for the relationship, what it was and what it could have been. We're thinking of you. |
|
PamWh
aka Bob's Mom
If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! |
|
|
mama2jerry
Ratastic
|
| 09/17/2008 4:24 PM |
|
Dan just left. After everything he said about wanting to be with me and that he would do everything he possibly could to make it work, I still could not reconcile our relationship. I told him that when we ended the relationship we weren't even friends anymore. We didn't talk, we acted like we hated each other and we did hurtful things. First and foremost, we need to work on being friends and regaining that trust. If being friends works, maybe after awhile we can go on a date, if that works maybe another date, etc. My goal is to focus my energy on improving myself as a person and I hope that he will do the same. The problems we have are caused by problems within ourselves. I feel like I lost myself in that relationship and I'm looking forward to doing the things I enjoy and not focusing all of my energy on him and our relationship. (Obviously, something else I will be working on fixing since codependency is not particularly healthy....)
In the end, he had a change of heart about the house and has decided he wants it. I called my realtor and he is going to look into what it will take to have me removed from the title and the note. Once we have more information on that, Dan is going to pay me my portion of the equity we've earned. I hope to buy my own little house somewhere closer to downtown. This actually works out really well because a woman I work with has an apartment behind her house that she rents out. It's available now and rents for $400, no utilities, no lease, very pet friendly (she was worried because she doesn't have a fenced area for my dogs to run in). This is ideal because I don't want to be in a situation where I'm stuck in a lease.
This is painful (and will continue to be...), but I know it's for the best. We both have issues we need to figure out and that would never be done if we're together. This will give us the perspective we need. Maybe someday we'll be able to make things work if that's what's meant to be, but at this point I'm just going to focus on being a better person and being happy with myself.
|
|
Sarah
....and mama to Darby too!
|
|
|