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Rat-Terrier.com
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| Author |
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dtls224
Terrier Terror
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| 06/30/2008 3:44 AM |
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What do you do when your kid has a broken heart? My daughter had her first boyfriend break up with her because he was "interested" in another girl.........He did this to his other girl to go out with my daughter..........Being in this relationship has completely changed her from a loving, thoughtful, funny person to sullen, moody and a great big witch........He even told her he wanted to keep the "relationship" a secret.........and when I found out all i could see were red flags.............I just want to help but all we do is fight..................
Any help would be great..............I know that part of the tension is my fault because I was angry at what she allowed him to turn her into and angry at what a little worm he is.........he constantly plays the "sensitve" card with her and turns her into mush.............I am just lost and will admit that boys are easier!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the ear everyone!!!!!!!!! |
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tina224...live...laugh...love...and bark at the moon
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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michelle
Firehouse Big Dog
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| 06/30/2008 5:13 AM |
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We had the same problem with our son. He was dating a girl. He became very mooody and withdrawn. Found out that she was becoming too possiessive with him. He would even have marks from her on im. Finally he broke up with her (we say he got out from under her witch's spell). She then started stalking him and sending threating letters tohim. We got the police involved. This happened last year right before he went to Challenge Academy. He was quite broken hearted for awhile all we could do is offer our support and talk to him about it when he wanted to talk to us. |
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michelle, mom to Sydney (JRT), Sonic (Rattie), Buddy(Jack-Rat) and Proud mom to Army son, Jordan
http://www.dogster.com/dogs/893222 Sydney
http://www.dogster.com/dogs/893220 Sonic
http://www.dogster.com/dogs/901405 Buddy
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kp_in_scott
Firehouse Big Dog
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| 06/30/2008 5:51 AM |
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| No advice here but I can tell you this, no matter how badly you want to "help" them pick the right person to be with, they will go in the absolutely opposite way. And teenagers just are difficult to deal with no matter if the are "in love" or "broken hearted". I'm so thankful to be just past those days and I'll pray that you will get through them quickly. |
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Kim, owned by one sweet Rattie mix and one sweet Toy Rattie and a house full of parrots |
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Bailey's mom
Bratty Ratty
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| 06/30/2008 6:54 AM |
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| I went thru that many times with my son, it got where I didn't even want him to get another girl friend. All you can do is support them and tell them it will get better. Now I got Dillon coming up and I hope its not as bad with him. |
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~Nancy~
aka Bailey's Mom |
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gwacie
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 06/30/2008 8:23 AM |
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| Ah the drama of youth - I sure don't miss that! Just tell her you love her and you are there is she needs to talk. Only time and maturity can fix this stuff. Then again, a new puppy or kitten might help (haha) so long as you don't mind the extra work! |
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gwacie (Bethany)
My Doggies: http://www.myadams.net/dogs/
Rescue: http://www.newrattitude.org |
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dtls224
Terrier Terror
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| 06/30/2008 12:57 PM |
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| Brand new animals we have in abundance here with the chicks and kittens............I really love my daughter completely but having her made me apologize to my mom for thing that I did and some stuff that I probably did not do as well......................hehehehe..........I am praying that like the flu........this too shall pass |
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tina224...live...laugh...love...and bark at the moon
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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justan0therjess
Rat Royalty
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| 06/30/2008 1:08 PM |
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| my two cents from the "broken hearted daughter" point of view. The first time I got my heart broken, my mom took me shopping. We lived in a small town far from everything so going shopping was like a day long thing & needed planning, but she just up and brought me. Everytime it would happen after that, we would go shopping or go out to eat or something that we just didn't get to do often.. It kind of ended up being the "good thing" that came out of a breakup. That was the biggest thing which helped me when I was younger from my parents... Also, I'd always feel better after I made a change in my life even something as small as rearranging my room or loosing some weight or getting a new haircut etc. Definately don't push her to talk about it if she doesn't want to, and she'll probably be quite the little witch for a while ( i mean, come on, we all can be! ) but soon enough she'll meet someone else and be chipper and happy. There's a lot of things probably hurting her beyond what you know, or what you will ever know, my dad would try the manly support, "I never did like him" but it would make me mad becaues if he KNEW that the guy would hurt me why didnt he say something before (yes i know, i wouldn't have believed him) hope something from here helped, How old is she? |
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dtls224
Terrier Terror
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| 06/30/2008 1:15 PM |
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| She will be 20 in Sept.......and no i did not like him.....he would not take the time to talk with us even when we made the effort over and over again.....in fact he would not acknowledge me at all sometimes..........what worried me about the relationship was when he told her to keep the relationship a "secret" and had to giver her "permission" to tell anyone.........but she actually laughed yesterday so hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel.......... |
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tina224...live...laugh...love...and bark at the moon
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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PamWh
Rattitude Problem
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| 06/30/2008 1:17 PM |
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| A word of caution...do not bad talk the boyfriend/ex boyfriend! That will only make her like him more; plus, if they ever get back together you will have to eat your words. My oldest son has been in a relationship with his fiancee since they were 15 years old...off and on. I've never said a bad word about her and just tried to be a neutral party. He's been complaining about her moodiness lately and I just keep my mouth shut and let him vent. |
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PamWh
aka Bob's Mom
If your rattie ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! |
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justan0therjess
Rat Royalty
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| 06/30/2008 1:22 PM |
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| I guess I was thinking she was younger, as I'll be 21 next month. I agree with the not talking bad about him, and never to tell them that she shouldn't date a certain person. My parents would suggest the type of person that they "wanted" me to be with (I do believe they'd rather it be me and Joleigh forever haha) I'm also big on family, if his family doesn't like me, or vice versa, it's pretty much dead as soon as it began. |
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susieq
Rattie
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| 06/30/2008 2:23 PM |
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| Ooooh man was I ever bad about this when I was a teen! My parents HATED my son's dad I started dating the beginning of my senior year. You what mom?? You Don't like him? Got it, I'm moving in with him and we are going to have a baby! Of course it didn't last and they were right and I don't like him much but I have to deal with him because we have a son. Our boy is almost 9 now and the sweetest,smartest, cutest boy ever so I did get something out of the whole mess! The moral of this story is don't try to dictate who they can/can't date. At that age, life is all about doing everything a kid is told not to so they can feel like they are in control. Give her time and love. Talk to her. Take her to do things she likes - or at least offer to. I told you so's are never good for either party. She'll come around! How did you manage to keep her boyfriend free until she was 20? Great job mom!!!! He was pretty immature if he was switching girlfriends and having "secret" relationships. Sheesh! So glad I'm out of the dating scene and married! Kudos to you for trying to keep her happy! |
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"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." - Edward Hoagland |
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MurphyDog
Ratastic
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| 06/30/2008 6:49 PM |
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So she's learned a hard and painful lesson. One that will hopefully help her make some better decisions in the future.
What I think she needs is some time to mend... maybe some space to feel bad and probably angry... and then some friends to help her see that it doesn't all end here. What an awesome thing it is if a parent can be one of those friends. |
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Mitch and Murphy Hancock (the dog)
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." - John Steinbeck |
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lynnygal
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 06/30/2008 9:54 PM |
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Well, I am just entering this phase with my own daughter, but I can tell you that recently I went to a parenting teens seminar put on by a great guy Jim Burns, Phd.....he just had some very insightful information about parenting teens today. He's raised 3 daughters of his own. Anyhow, he has a great website and always has good information....you might check it out www.homeword.com Honestly, it is just a real tough age....and thankfully for us parents it does "pass" eventually! Take care......hope she's out of the doldrums soon....
Lynn |
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--------------------- lynnygal --------------------------------- |
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tink's mom
Ratterific
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| 06/30/2008 10:20 PM |
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| Here's the best advise I was given when my son was in a relationship with a very spoiled and possesive young girl we were struggling with. The wonderful mentor said, remember every young man or woman that your child dates could be a son or daughter in law, try to have a postive attitude about them. If you have raised them right and left the door of communication open, they will come to you and make good decisions or ask for your advise. When I finally decided that I needed to love her because she was going to be the one and treated her as such. They broke up, his was heart broken for quiet awhile since she immediately began to see someone else. But, he dated a few other young ladies and last January after a one year engagement he married a wonderful young woman we are just thrilled with. Guess I'd just say love your daughter and continue to be the best parent you can be! |
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Sharon, mom to 5 skin kids and one well loved rattie named Tink!
"Getting there isn't half the fun - it's all the fun" Robert Townsend |
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dtls224
Terrier Terror
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| 07/01/2008 2:46 AM |
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| We actually laughed together today for the first time in months..............................Thank you all for the help!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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tina224...live...laugh...love...and bark at the moon
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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danbenau
Rat-A-Tat-Tat
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| 07/01/2008 7:51 AM |
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My father loved my wife from the moment he met her. My mother and my aunt (mother's sister) detested her. She didn't defer to me, she didn't worship the ground on which I walked, and worst of all SHE DIDN"T TAKE ADVICE from either of them. Time went by. My mother got used to her, my aunt eventually passed on, and our marriage is into its 34th year.
We all have to grow up and handle things. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just be available when things go wrong. It helps to keep a stored up supply of sympathetic clucking sounds. |
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His name is Hendryx! He's a rat terrier! OK! |
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dtls224
Terrier Terror
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| 07/01/2008 2:33 PM |
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| Thank you Dan.........the clucking noises I got in good supply because of the chickens............. |
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tina224...live...laugh...love...and bark at the moon
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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