Today Ryan told me that Cookie is an unhappy dog because of the way she acts...meaning her agressiveness towards food and bones. He says that I treat her too much like a "human" and that dogs want to be treated like "dogs"...and that means she's unhappy. I understand where he is coming from (and he loves Cookster and vice-versa)...he watches alot of Dog Whisperer. He thinks she's way too spoiled and that I need to be pack leader...not her. Which I agree with...except I don't believe she is either the "pack leader" in our household NOR is she unhappy.

Thoughts? This really hurt my feelings kind of........

Your suggestions were awesome Nora...and I did try them. Hand feeding, etc. It didn't work though. Like I cannot even get near her when she is eating in fear that my hand will be torn off.

The whole conversation started today when I was telling him that Cookie is NOT happy about Jake being home. She's very possesive towards me and sits and "waits" for him to come downstairs....when he does she gets right next to me and starts growling. Jake has been instructed to not even look or pay attention to her.

Another example is that whenever I'm playing "toys" with Simey (my kitty) she gets extremely upset; will start howling and pacing, etc. Like I can only play "toys" with her.

See when Cookie and I are all by ourselves she is awesome....really the sweetest dog I've ever met. It's when others are around. It drives me crazy because I can't even go to the bathroom w/out her clawing down the door.....she HAS to be around me at all times.

But yet she is fine when I leave her during the day; never tears up anything, etc. She gets on the couch and will stay there all day until I get home.

I know that Ry is right....I need to get her trained.

But I just hate the fact that she might be unhappy.

I'm sure Ryan did not mean to hurt your feelings.  Guys always try to fix things... even if we don't know how, we just have to try.  See?  I'm doing it now... no idea how to address the problem but I'm just typing away.  Something in the chromosomes, maybe.  But I don't think it should be acceptable to have a dog that growls at you or is agressive towards you or others in the house, and the sooner you get that in check, the better for everyone. 

Of course, doing the math here... My advice + .25 = one gumball

I agree with Tracey, Sarah and the others....Cookie is alpha right now when you and Jake should be.  A dog that feels they HAVE to be alpha because their humans are not leaders...can be a very insecure, unhappy dog.  She needs to be spayed and then trained.  And you can't just "have her trained" .  Yes, you need to involve a professional trainer but YOU need to learn as much as she does...and then put it into action.  Otherwise is solves nothing if as soon as the trainer leaves you don't continue the training.

Sorry to be blunt but you asked...it's obvious from your description that Cookie needs boundaries and limitations.

I'm gonna be blunt too...

Dogs only do what works for them; they are opportunistic; they take as much as they think they can get out of any given situation. When we are talking about a dog with a "dominance problem", what we are really saying is that the dog has learned to get what he wants by doing certain things that we perceive as "dominant behaviors"; he throws his weight and teeth around because he's learned that these behaviors work: people back off and he gets what he want.  This is a problem because we don't want to have to defer to our dogs,
we want our dogs to defer to us. Many dogs defer automatically. They have no desire to test the limits to see what will happen or exactly how much they can get. But other dogs, because of a combination of genetics and environmental factors (could well have something to do with Cookie's Katrina experience), have learned that they can get the humans around them to defer--to back off and give them what they seek. These dogs learn to push people around to get what they want and what they want are "resources". A resource is anything that the dog may want at any given point in time, such as food, toys, bones... it could be a certain part of the house... a bed... ANYthing.

The dog comes to believe that he is in control of these resources because he gets unlimited access to them. When someone tries to tell him NO, he growls
or snaps and the human backs off. The dog gets his way and so the behavior of growling or snapping is reinforced. When you confront such dogs with force, sometimes they back right down and immediately begin to defer to the human. But, more often, what happens is the dog escalates the behavior. So the key is to work to reinforce new behaviors, prevent situations in which bad behavior is likely to occur, and begin to require your dog to WORK for and EARN what he wants while limiting his access to resources. This teaches him to defer to humans and lets him see that HUMANS not DOGS control resources, in as non-confrontational a way as possible.  Confrontations will only worsen the already bad situation.

Not sure about the emotional aspect of things.  Do dogs feel emotions such as jealousy?  Happiness?  Sadness?  I believe they do... although I can't prove it.  I do know that dogs crave a leader.. ANY pack has a leader... and if there isn't one... they will "appoint" one by themselves.  Sounds to me like this is what Cookie has done.

I know this behavior has been on-going (and maybe even gotten worse?) during the time I've known you, Nat...  and by now the behavior is probably pretty well engrained... as happens over time.  I would spend the money to invest in a one-on-one trainer for Cookie... preferrably one who is a canine behaviorist.  And... again as I've said SO many times in the past... have her spayed.  She's trying to cope with hormonal issues too... which can so often translate into unacceptable behavior.